Valentines Romance Tips For Women With A Chronic Illness

"Hot and bothered!" For most people these words create images of being twisted up in sheets, breathlessly reaching out to the one you love. For those with chronic illness, however, "hot" is more likely to refer to one's thyroid condition, night sweats, or a heating pad on high. "Bothered. . ." Well, let's just say when your body aches, everything makes you feel bothered: a cat that won't move off your leg, a joint that continues to throb, and a husband that is able to snore through minor earthquakes. It can be hard to be romantic!

Nearly 1 in 2 people live with a chronic illness in the U.S. which means that a lot of marriages are disrupted by this uninvited third party of illness, often including mental illness as well. Seventy-five percent of marriages end in divorce. But romantic ideas don't have to be used just on Valentine's Day.

So, how do you create that romantic environment when you are in physical pain? I've got some creative romantic ideas to get some of that spark back!

Put forth some effort. No more excuses. "I'm so exhausted, I don't feel that great. My body feels like it was run over by a truck." I've said them all. But guess what? If you have an illness you'll probably always be tired in a way normal people aren't tired. So put on some music and relax. The distraction of romance can make you forget about a great deal of the pain!

Make romance a priority. That means not spending the whole Saturday cleaning your house and then being exhausted. Rest up, even if it's just so you can have a conversation without falling asleep.

Show some enthusiasm for getting to spend a romantic evening with your loved one. Even if it's just a nice dinner out, don't say, "I'm feeling terrible, but I really wanted to do this for you." (Hint: that won't turn him or her on!) Flirt a little bit. Talk about some fun times you've had or dreams you'd still like to pursue. Give yourself the gift of not talking about your illness the entire night.

You don't have to write romantic love poems. Just put together a mini-album of your favorite photos and include notes about your memories and how much he means to you.

Think of all of the thing you notice your spouse does that is never done with complaint and write them down with a bit thank you at the bottom. Does he take out the garbage, get you medicine in the middle of the night, bathe your child without complaint, or even clean out the litter box? Write these out or type tehm in fun fonts as something for him to treasure.

Women, get out of the grandma section of underwear and buy something red, black or anything that doesn't have waist bands wider than an inch. Stop being so self-conscious.

Ask your teen how to use that text message feature on your cell phone and send him a message that will make him look twice at who sent it to him! Go for it and be romantic, especially if it's the kind of thing you'd never usually do or say.

Give him a home-made coupon for something he would like but doesn't splurge on very often such as, "Good for 5 guilt-free hours with your friends watching football." Avoid making him feel guilty whenever he wants to do something you can participate in (like going hiking or riding a roller coaster.)

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. But a marriage where both people are involved in keeping it alive, despite the existence of a chronic illness, can be one of the most rewarding joys in your life. Romance comes in many forms. I loved my husband more than ever the night I literally could not move because of a rheumatoid arthritis flare. I "slept" sitting on the couch and he slept on the floor beside the couch to comfort me every time I moved and screamed from the pain.

Love comes in many forms. One of the books I've bought all the couples in my life is "Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs" by Emerson Eggerichs. It talks a lot about "love languages" and how men feel loved when they feel respected, while women want to feel loved with emotions and words. Oftentimes we are offering our spouse what we desire rather than the "love language" they need. Being aware of all of the small ways we can show each other love and respect add up to romance when you least expect it.