What Defines A Dominant Partner?

In the real world today, as I see it, there are two different types of relationships. The first of course is the one most would recognize and think they have. The second one not only is the oldest but most frowned upon by todays social standards.

Most commonly recognized and socially accepted today is the relationship where both partners share equally in the responsibilities of the relationship. This 'vanilla' type relationship most likely will have both patners working jobs outside the home and sharing in all of the day to day decisions that affect the union. It is even possible only one works outside the home while the other is a stay at home parent.

Secondly there is the "D/s" or "tradional" lifestyle. In this type of relationship one partner has more control over the day to day decisions that affect the security and tranquility of the relationship. It is possible but not necessary that one of the partners may be a stay at home parent if there are children in the family. There aren't any guidelines that specify which partner, the female or male, might take on the role of dominant or submissive.

Social conditioning has taught us to believe that 'vanilla' relationships are better for everyone involved. There are however hundreds of thousands if not millions of people that would strongly argue that a "D/s" relationship is more likely to stand the test of time. I am a submissive woman and have lived a traditional lifestyle with my husband of many years. I don't just believe but I know the relationship we share is as strong if not stronger than any relationship of fifty years. Most of my friends found it disturbing in the beginning when they first learned of our lifestyle. In time and after seeing our relationship for what it really is they have all admitted their preconceptions were wrong and in many cases have admitted that they wish for a relationship as strong as ours.

If you give it some thought, you might realize that up until the mid 20th century, traditional lifestyles were the norm. Children were taught the meaning of honesty and respect, divorce rates were much lower than today. Even religion was considered a central part of the families core values. Consider biblical times. Men and women had very distinctive and seperate roles in their relationships. The women wer usually relegated to a subordinated position within the relationship but relationships were stronger, more secure and happier than today's relationships. Makes you wonder if we have made things better or worse for the core family.

Contradictory to the past, people today try to share equally in the roles and responsibilities of relationships. They want to be the bread winners, child rearers, chief cook and bottle washer. I must ask this however; given the highest crime rate in all of history, the lack of respect and honesty from our children, kids killing other kids, kids killing their parents... have we done society a favor by trying to spread ourselves so thin in our responsibilities that we have failed? Many if not most of you will probably think I'm completely nuts for having this opionion but you must agree my arguments make you think?

The funniest thing about today's relationships is that many if not most relationships mirror the 'old fashion' relationships where there is an unspoken seperation of responsibilities. These people that live in these relationship are, I believe afraid if not almost embarassed to admit their comfort with living a traditional lifestyle. They find it easier to put on a facade for outsiders to avoid the ridicule of being labeled weak. Accepting a traditional role in a relationship and making it work for you takes strong person with strong convictions. This is to me the sign of a stronger than average person with values and convictions that overshadow the strengths of those that would otherwise find fault.

I've listed below some food for though. Consider these things before you find fault with someone you may know or meet that has chosen to live a traditional lifestyle. If you feel like some of these qualities apply to you or your partner... maybe you are one of the many living in the closet or maybe you should consider changing how you view your relationship and the roles you have taken in it.

1. A dominant partner has the understanding that they are not perfect. Not even all you macho guys that think you are.

2. Dominant partners have taken the time to identify and accept their flaws as a human being. They have come to terms with these flaws and figured out how to best control them effectively.

3. Dominants realize that the proof of their dominance doesn't come from the person who calls the the boss but from within themselves. This proves out to them by way of their own personalities, ethics, values and standards.

4. A dominant partner accepts that they have the responsibility to themselves to inform as well as possible all things regarding the wide range of issues that come with living a traditional lifestyle. They always take the time to consider their own needs as well as the needs of their partners and they are capable of clearly expressing those needs to their submissive partner.

5. Life experience have taught them the importance of trust and respect in any relationship, and they recognize that their partner can only submit to a partner with the type character that makes them worthy of trust and respect.

6. A dominant partner always understand that before they can expect a submissive partner to give over control of their lives that the dominant partner must have total control over their own lives first.

7. A dominant partner understands that integrity, honesty, fairness, character and consistency are concepts that must be apparent throughout the dominant's life. These are not just words that can be used selectively for one's advantage but these are words that represent the character of the person themselves as the dominant partner.

Think about these qualities and ask yourself. Do these things sound familiar? If they do then you might be one of those living in the closet, or at least you might find you have the basic building blocks to build a relationship that can withstand almost anything life can throw at you. Next time you hear someone say "we live a traditional lifestyle" stop and think before being critical. You will be a better person for it.